I want you...

When people used to ask me, "What do you dream of being when you grow up?"  I never really knew what to say to them...

What did I dream about? 

After a while of thinking about it, I realized that what I truly dreamed about was being a wife and a Mother.  Those were my dreams..are my dreams.

When I was younger, all I ever wanted was to have a "boyfriend".

But, I wasn't allowed to until I turned 18.  I remember having conversations with my Mom so many times asking, "why? why can't I date? It's not fair! My life's over!" 

(such a dramatic life of a young teenager)

Ohhh the wisdom my parents had in not letting me date and do whatever I wanted when it came to wanting to be in a relationship.  

I can't thank them enough for protecting my heart in that area, especially when I was so ready to give it away prematurely.

Through my high school years I kept expecting some guy to appear in my life and sweep me off my feet.

 But, it never happened. 

 I had a few good guy friends, but never one that I could see myself marrying. But there also was never anyone who pursued me.

(I now thank God daily for His protection over me)

The Fall after I graduated I decided to go to Youth With A Mission (also known as YWAM) in 

Nashville, TN.

There I did a discipleship training school and spent three months in a "lecture" phase where I learned basic biblical principles on how to have a relationship with God and how to really live in constant communion with the Lord, as well as developing a knowledge of the world around and learning how to pray for them and reach the lost for Christ. This was followed by an 8 week outreach overseas; putting into practice all that I learned.

The summer before I left for YWAM, I was convinced I was going to meet the "Man of my dreams"  and get married soon after. 

Well....that definitely did not happen...and I'm so thankful it didn't.

I  did develop amazing friendships and still keep in touch with several people from a school I did 5 years ago.

What does all this have to do with not dating, you ask?  Well, YWAM was the place I made the commitment and started walking down a path that would forever change who I was.

Here's how it happened:

Saturday, December 2nd, 2006.

I didn't have anything to do this particular Saturday, so my class-mate, Laura and I were going to go into one of the spare classrooms and spend time with Jesus.

After being in there for a couple hours, I laid facedown on the ground and the Lord began to speak to me through a picture.

In this picture, I saw a young girl with long curly brown hair, wearing a white dress walking up a hill. 

Her goal was to get to the top and see what was on the other side of this hill.

As this girl was walking up, I heard the Lord say, "Stop, lay down, and look at the sky", so then the girl proceeded to do just so. 

As she looked at the sky the Lord said "Seek Me" and then wrote "I love you" in the clouds.

(By now you can probably guess that I am the "girl")

The next thing I remember is hearing God speak in what was the closest thing to an audible voice that I've ever heard from Him and He said,

 "I want you for five years."

What?!

Did that really just happen? 

Yes. Yes indeed it did, and so I began to process verbally what it meant for Him to have me for five years.

In my mind, for me to be completely His it meant not dating.

No relationships.

Did I really want to commit to that?

I thought out how if I didn't commit then I would probably have a miserable next five years(maybe..maybe not..I'll never know :)

 If I did commit to not date, then I was going to be taken on an amazing journey. Hard? Yes.Worth it? Definitely.

And it was in that moment that I fully surrendered my next five years to just focusing on God and what He wanted to do in and through me.

....more to come